Marnie's Musings

7 days plus one.

Yesterday, Wednesday, signifies one week without Facebook. It’s a big deal because I feel like a new and improved person since I left that virtual world. And it’s not just FB itself that I left behind – but also the often crippling symptoms and side-effects of an addiction to the internet. I can barely go online anymore, even to MSN or Skype. It all bores me, because now I know firsthand how much more liberating and refreshing the physical world is. I think I knew once before what it was like, but I forgot along the way. So now I am refreshing my memory after so many years spent online.

As a result, I’ve been seriously considering never coming back to FB, at least not on a permanent level. Yet to even get to that point of serious deliberation requires me to actually log back into my account once again. I’m not ready yet. When I know in my heart that the emotional wounds I carry are truly healed, then I will return – if for just a few minutes.

Until then, I am making earnest and often uncomfortable attempts to properly deal with what I know is the truth, what could be the truth and what is anything but the truth. This is a huge effort to prepare for the future, especially those aspects which are beyond my control and would cause me to react in a negative way if they were circumstances in present-day reality.

I do this sort of “check-up” on myself on a daily basis. It helps me to stay focused, balanced, humbled, practical and, in a weird but pleasant way, extremely content. I guess it’s because I know that each new day of this challenge gets me one step closer to the main goal.

So tonight, while celebrating almost eight days of freedom, I smile.

A day before I bid farewell to Facebook, I posted up a note to my profile. I wrote about why it happens that certain people and situations enter (or don’t enter) our lives. Somehow (I can’t recall how), I ended it by mentioning that perhaps it’s possible for an individual to get through a bad situation on his/her own. Turns out though, I was wrong. In just two days, I’ve received an outpouring of concern and emotional support by so many people, half of whom are unaware of what actually happened. They simply noticed that my FB vanished. What I’ve come to realize is that nothing in this lifetime is possible or achievable alone. We all need each other, in some form and at some time. This is the only way to truly live.

So it is for those people, as well as my real-life friends, that I write this blog entry. Thank you.

To Clint H. – for the laughs and always making me feel like a woman of worth. Your friendship has been, and always will be, invaluable.
To Marilyn N. – for being the best female friend a girl could ever have. You listen with the truest sense of compassion and non-judgment. I love you for that.
To Will L. – for just being you and taking even a few seconds to make sure you can do all that you can do as a friend. Love you lots.
To Fausta S. – for the unconditional loyalty and love. You are the best mum ever.
To Jon W. – for the unexpected friendship from a silly online game and your uncanny ability to treat a lady right.
To Jana P., Dave K., Donna B., Axl R., Kristy T.G., Phil A., Phil P., Cindy K., Jay T., Richard T., Ethan H., Dennis B. – each of you are truly awesome in your own unique way. I will never forget what you’ve done for me.

I’ve had a Twitter account for ages, but it’s never really sparked my interest. Even in my current state of finding ways to entertain myself away from FB, I still just don’t “get” it. Strangely and scarily enough, it reminds me of Facebook but with a way shorter allowed word count in profile status updates, even less customization options and no competitive gaming market. At a time like this though, I suppose that’s a good thing.

www.twitter.com/AyumigrL

I used to believe that Facebook was a harmless, casual outlet to help pass the time and satisfy my gaming urges.  I never imagined that along the way, I’d do things that, in retrospect, would make me shake my head in disbelief, cause divisions with those in my physical world and challenge my basic principles and morals.  I once assumed, even wanted to, live here in Hawaii forever.  I thought this little island, my little world here, was the most life could offer me.  Yet meeting people all over the globe via FB changed all that.  I can’t wait to leave someday.  I can also admit that many of my prejudices faded away as well.  I was once content with a strictly Asian crowd, but now I find that being that way only encouraged ignorance instead of fostering a protective and safe bubble.

On the other hand…  Facebook has caused quite a bit of grief and heartache, especially after the events of the past year, specifically the past six months.  Certain things happened and I cannot see what good has or possibly can come out of it.  So it was decided that the best thing to do involved temporarily disabling my account.  I don’t know how long I will be away from FB, but for once I find a sense of calm, even despite the emotional roller coaster I can still feel inside.